Thursday, July 9, 2009

I Will Listen


I have heard voices, speaking to me in my head, all of my life... that I can remember.
I have always lived in my head.

I looked in my friend's mirror as a child and heard "You can't tell, It is a secret."

As an adult I went back to where I grew up till I was 13. As I drove those small streets and thought about all that I could not remember about growing up there, I heard, "You don't remember because you Choose not to remember."

Over at Blooming Lotus, Faith is discussing opening up communication with the parts of me that are inside trying to help me heal, trying to communicate with me. As always, it never ceases to amaze me that as I work through this process help is placed in my path when I need it. I have found Faith's posts to be so helpful to me and I can't Thank Her enough.

Just this week I asked my therapist "why after all of this time, when I have accepted the lack of memories which I desired for validation, Why Now?" He said, "There is an answer." I almost blew right past that comment, instead, I stopped, He said, "You weren't ready."

Well, let it be known, My Sweet Little Vicki, and whoever else in here that wants to talk...

I am ready
I will listen
I will validate you
I will believe you
You can trust me
I will protect you
I will nurture you
I will be gentle with us
I Love You
I WILL be the Mother You never had.

11 comments:

  1. Sounds like a great place to start. keep talking to that little girl inside, she needs you. Thanks for stopping by my blog today!

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  2. You may be surprised at what comes now that you have opened the door. Remember that you survived whatever you don't remember already when you were a child. The worst has already happened and you survived it.

    My inner child wasn't about to trust me in the beginning. It took several years of me consciously talking to her and proving that I would protect her before she felt comfortable enough to come out for more than a second or two.

    I have six years of memories of incest from the age of 11-17. I believe that there are earlier years of memories that I don't have, maybe as young as 3 years old. That used to bother me but then I realized that a 3-year-old doesn't have the coping skills of an 11-year-old. The abuse doesn't have to be any worse than I already have memories of. At 3 years old, I just couldn't cope and survive whatever those memories were of. We have survived and now we will thrive.

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  3. Kudos! Good for you! I know it will be hard, but you have a survivor community with you.

    This is ironic, really, because I just put up a post about comforting your inner child. Maybe there are some ideas there that may help. Or you can share your own in comments.

    Hey, is it okay if I link to your blog? When we were e-mailing about the blog carnival...I wasn't sure if I should. Let me know. Thanks!

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  4. i found the very same thing. forgot, couldn't remember, for so long, 'til it was time to remember, and feel, work it through, and be healed... wishing you love and strength!

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  5. Dear one, we are here for you. Thank you for sharing what you plan on doing. Blessings....

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  6. Very beautiful. Thanks for sharing what you are working through. I do look forward to more good healing as we are here for each other. You are helping me so much. Thanks! and.... thanks. ♥

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  7. Yes, I agree with mile191, this is very nice. I am envious, because I cannot talk to "them". My T says most of them talk to each other, tho, and seem to want what's best for me. Still...

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  8. Oh, I am adding you to my blogroll - just so you are aware and don't mind.

    Ivory

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  9. Hi Vicki,

    I found this post so incredibly healing and lovely. I don't think you can know how amazing this truly is, what a precious gift you are giving yourself.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

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  10. Kate,
    Thank you so much. ♥

    I think I am beginning to start to grasp what a gift this is I give to myself. And little vicki, she gives so much in return, it is an amazing relationship, like a long lost friend.

    I always feel your good and healing thoughts.

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  11. Hi Vicki,

    I'm so happy for the both of you. Good and healing thoughts to you both.

    Kate

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