Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Some New Understanding


On Saturday I left little vicki in a safe place and returned home to the normal hustle and bustle of my everyday life. Together she and I had accomplished some important goals one of which was to write a letter to my mother abuser and ask her not to contact me. I was doing really well and feeling at peace.

By yesterday I still hadn't mailed the letter and this left little vicki feeling unprotected. I created this collage and that helped me to recognize what she was feeling and also that even though two days wasn't that much time to me it was a very long time to little me.

I also recognize that I have to take quiet time away from everything Every Day to connect with little vicki if she is going to trust me and feel taken care of.

The letter has been mailed. I keep reminding myself that what matters is little vicki, the family around me sharing my everyday life, and me right now today. Sometimes I am afraid because I don't know what is coming, by the end of the week the s@#%* should hit the fan. I keep trying to remember how to say "That is between mom and me, I don't want to talk about it." HOW HARD CAN THAT BE TO SAY? I should type it out in big letters so it is in front of me because I know I will forget how to talk much less what to say when the time comes.

Today is therapy, glad for that.


  1. I disowned my family decades ago. It was the best thing I did. I did also than get codependent with the wrong men; but now that is over too.

    The Big Betty Ann and Little Betty Ann deserves a life of abundance; happiness; safety; and all good things as I would wish for both Little and Big Vicki too.

    You can Let Go and Let God.. you don't even have to explain why you don't want her to contact you if she wants more information. You have to do what is right for YOU..

    You are an amazing woman Vicki.. little Vicki is an amazing girl..


    The little girls we were did not deserve to be abused...

    Hey (big smiles) maybe Betty Ann and Vicki can ride bikes together and just be happy little girls on some days.. (sounds cute).

  2. that is so great you could collage and find out little vickie's feelings and are dedicated to now being there for her. She deserves love, safety and protection. you are the best for your courage and willingness to give her what she never got.

  3. Hi Vicki,

    It is okay to take care of you. She didn't. Your family may not want or respect any boundary. But you are right, you come first, you matter, and you don't have to explain anything.

    For the longest time I would walk around at home and out of thin air say no to imaginary demands on me. Then I made it a practice to say no once a day to something someone asked me to do, even if it was only a tiny thing and I didn't care. I needed the practice. A placard would be a nice idea as well.

    Saying no to conversation and explanations is very hard. But you can do it. If you can't say no, it is okay to hang up, not answer the phone, not open to the door. etc.

    Hugs to you both. Good and healing thoughts to you.


  4. what's right for you, is right for you. you are the most important person in your life. protect yourself against those you need protection from. hugs and love!

  5. It is very difficult to say those words, especially if you are being ganged up on by other family members. That's what happened to me. I'm glad I have stepped away from them, tho. My life is much better because of it.

    My best to you to be strong!

  6. We never know how anything will turn out. We just have to take it a day at a time on trust.

    I was incommunicado with my mother abuser (called her and told her why at the time) for 18 years. Then, God let me know that I was to be in touch with her. Following that divine directive (which was made very clear to me, too clear to misinterpret) was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am in very infrequent contact with her, but I have done what was required, and I am now able to at least follow the spirit of the fourth commandment in very general and vague ways. (I got good guidance from a priest on that one -- how one "honors parents if they are child abusers.) I still don't know why God wanted me to contact my mother. Maybe some day I will find out that there was a special reason behind His wanting me to do this, and maybe I won't find out. It does not matter. It is enough that He did -- and I did.

    Good luck to you! I will send a prayer your way!

  7. Mill of hugs to you. To little Vicky and big Vicky. Take gentle care of each us I feel the two of you become the best friends. Love across the pond

  8. Hello to my sweet friends here. Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and the great lift you are to me when I am struggling.

    I learn so much from each and every one of you and your comments. The comments mean so much to me and I take them very seriously. That you would take the time to share parts of your lives to enrich mine and share that you understand what I am going through is such a tender mercy.

    Much love to all of you.

  9. Hey Vicki, thinking of you. Remember that this too will pass. No matter how huge the storm is or how overwhelmed you feel it will pass. If you choose to stay calm inside, choose not to listen to your panicking thoughts you may see that you have this ability and power. TO stay calm in the eye of the storm. It doesn't matter how the world is reacting around you. You do what you have to do and breathe and calm yourself, be still.

    I found a lovely poem for you. I put it up over on my page.

    Dear Little Vicki, the world is so big to you and so frightening and so confusing. And your heart is pure love, you don't understand why it has to be so. But remember you know how to be quiet and watch. You have always known how to do this. And storms are scary but they go away. And even if all the flowers in your garden have been damaged they will come again and bloom. They will always come again and bloom. Think about the flowers not the storm. Hugs sweetheart X

  10. Just saying Good Morning to Little Vicky and Big Vicky.. thanks for visiting my Blog... it would be cool if you ever did come ride bikes with me in Central Park.. (they actually have sites where you can rent bikes for the day). Enjoy this day... Thanks for being so REAL. It helps all of us.

  11. Wow, big and as the week goes on I am thinking of you and will be praying for you. Thanks for being such an example of patient healing to me. For your words, your friendship...

  12. Vicki, I have been thinking about you over the past few days and wondering how you were doing while I was gone on vacation. I sat down this afternoon and read all of your articles that you wrote while I was gone out of town to visit my daughter and her family. You were on quite a journey of recovery while I was gone. I am so proud of you.

    Taking care of you and Little Vicki is a really big step to take. Setting boundaries can be frightening in the beginning. That is how we learn to protect ourselves. It is difficult to do as an adult if you weren't taught about boundaries as a child.

  13. I am so proud of you, Vicki, for taking such brave steps towards healing. Good for you!

    - Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)

  14. HI Vicki, I am thinking of you. Wanting to show some love, you arent alone. Whatever s....hits the fan, you arent alone. Safe hugs to little Vicki, warm hugs to Big Vicki

  15. Vicky, this is so touching. Sweetness to both the Vicky's. We are here for you dear ones! Blessings and safe hugs!

  16. Thinking of you Vicki and stopping by to wish you a wonderful week!

  17. Sometimes the very people who are supposed to love and protect us hurt us the most. We have to learn to forgive ..so we can move on. There's just no other way.

    Some members, i still have to face- some, fortunately, not. Either way, i refuse to "stay" to let them hurt me again.

    We are made stronger and wiser by even the bad things in our life, Vicki. Learn from it and there are blessings found therein.


  18. taking care of little vicky gives us so much warmth it alkso reminds us of what we are also to do.

  19. Oh good for you, Vicki! I know what a hard step this is to take. There's sure to be some backlash, but whatever happens you have the assurance that you did what is best for you.

    Take care!


  20. I am so proud of you. You are not alone.

  21. I am so impressed with and so proud of everything you are doing to protect and take care of little Vicki. GOOD FOR YOU!!!