Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Telling the Truth

Disclosure

Disclosure
Both of my parents were partners in crime.
My mother and my father sexually molested me when I was a child. I have just in the last 3 months disclosed my mothers heinous deeds.

25 comments:

  1. Omigosh Vicki.. both parents??

    I'm so proud of you for coming out with this.. because it will help you heal. I am an OPEN BOOK and tell of my molestation; which only happened one time; but the LOOKS and other stuff went out at various times. Disgusting so; or just the talk of sex inappropriately by him.

    I no LONGER am HURT by it.. they say in Al-Anon you are only as Sick as YOUR SECRETS..

    I am your friend.. I'm here for you.. you have so many good people here for you.. (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Vicki,

    You are so very brave. Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    ReplyDelete
  3. you are a brave and strong person. you'll get past all this and shine!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Me again.. Sending you Good Morning Hugs.. it is a chilly but nice day in NYC... And I'm sending you HAPPINESS and SERENITY and JOY of LIFE...

    My home is cozy and warm.. had to put the heat on... and I'm feeling truly in Recovery.... I woke up thinking of you. (your sharing your story helps others to share too). One man in the blogging world wrote me an email the other week he was molested by his father as a child and never told anyone. He finally told his wife in his 50s.. they were married for decades.

    It is good to get it out; and not carry it....and also the anger of how it could have been if we grew up in nicer emotional homes.

    But for every YING there is a YANG... we grew stronger and can appreciate the simpler of things more than most I often hear. I'm appreciating my LIFE very very much.

    I'm never going to be ASHAME of my past.. I was a child and none of was Little BettyAnn's fault. And I tell my story at ACOA and AlAnon and some tell me afterwards the same stories..

    I hold my head up proud and high (proud in a humble way; not conceited way).. and I'm Happy. Spiritual and happy. I can even feel LOVE for the BAD People in the world (that does not mean I have to stay with them; or would stay with them or like them for that matter). I just have no anger or resentments. I have a GREAT LIFE.. and I'm HAPPY. I have the tools to be happy too; and it is not a fake happiness.. or a giddy happiness.. just a serene calm happiness with boundaries (healthy ones etc).

    Sending you a million hugs.............. and to Little Vicky Too.

    Thank you for sharing .......... you are an Amazing Caring Sweet Woman. And deserve the best always..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Courage, strength and peace to you.

    C

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Betty Ann,
    You are so tender. I really have enjoyed your comments and of course I am blushing at how kind your words are. I love your hugs.
    I think it sounds so wonderful that it was that crisp there in NYC this morning. I came out and slept on the couch early this morning because it was so lovely outside and I opened my door. I feel like God is smiling to let it cool down on Oct. 1.
    I know that sounds crazy but we can have 100 deg temps into Nov. here. Crazy Making!
    I think we will be down in the 80's for the weekend.
    Thank you for all of the encouragement and for checking back in this morning. I felt kinda sick after I posted that last night but you are right of course, only as sick as my secret.
    Your words are so full of hope I know that I can get through this, it is one day at a time for now.
    Love to you too my friend.

    Vicki

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Kate,
    Yes, I am learning to be brave, and that means a whole bunch coming from you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Shadow,
    Oh shiny sounds very nice. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oooo. Now I understand better the posts about how you feel about your mother. I am so so angry for you. And sorry for you. Parents should never, ever be so bad!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm angry Vickie, angry that you had to go through that. I think you're amazing. And courageous and I am so glad I connected with you. You have the right to your voice. Thank you for finding the ocurage to say this.
    I got your email but I tried to reply and it wouldn't let me. Can you resend and I;ll try again to reply. And thank you. Tons of hugs to you. You give me courage. Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  11. The worst is over. You don't have to be hurt anymore and you've done so well in making sure of that!! You have been careful and considerate and you are very wise and strong. You are amazing.

    I understand myself so much more and fear so much less. I see both my parents and I have acceptance, really mostly all the time, of everything. My mother is a very angry woman something I have come to accept and have learned how to del with. I can empathise, if not truly know, your horror at your mother's betrayal. I'm glad I haven't cut them out of my life. My mum helps me now!! She won't be on this earth forever. I remember in therapy asking my therapist 'what do people do?!?' I wanted to know if he knew of people who were able to forgive and have acceptance and the knowledge of incidents without all the pain. At times like that he always turned it back to me, 'can you do it?'. I didn't know. I didn't think I could. After reading The Dance of Anger I had more tools to deal with my family, I REALLY recommend it. I distanced myself and was VERY selfish (unlike me) and eventually I noticed the feeling of love was still there, I wanted the love. Our relationship is totally different now. I also told them about my depression and how awful life was for me as a teenager and she apoligised to me (first time in her life).

    Keep giving yourself your time and being creative (writing, collaging) with your emotions. What will be will be. The right course of action will come.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Safe warm hugs. Love to you. It takes so long to face and overcome but you are so courageous. Good for you, hardest part is done. Not feeling safe at home is being an orphan while the parents are around. Emotional orphan. WE are here for you, you never will alone anymore, you are safe. Love across the pond.

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a tremendous amount of courage it must have taken for you to speak out about this. I can't imagine having been sexually abused by both parents!

    I'm so sorry you went through this. The healing journey is a long one, but you've taken the first and hardest step(telling the truth.) Good for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good for you for breaking the silence. You show great courage. Wonderful collage. I am working on one too. They are helpful aren't they? Hugs and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Praying for you Vicki and you are very courageous to face the truth of your past so you can continue to move forward on your journey of healing.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Have you every gardened at night? On hot nights I put candles all around my garden and play in the soil. It's amazing. I know what you mean about being sick about your secret. The thing I hated was throwing up when I started facing it again. I threw up every morning I went to see the therapist.

    ReplyDelete
  17. When I first started talking about my incest experiences, I would get a headache every time. I believe the headache was from my fears over what people would think about me once they knew the truth. Today, I don't care if other people believe me or not because I know my story to be true.

    I have found that my issues with my mother are harder to face and work through. I think that is because she is my female role model so it is closer to who I see myself to be as a woman. It has more to do with who I am as a woman. My mother was the codependent, passive parent who just allowed things to happen without seeing the clues that were right under her nose. In many ways she abdicated her role as a spouse and mother so that I could play the parts. Most of her abuse was covert and therefore harder to pin down. She was emotionally unavailable my entire life. She is the one who taught me not to feel.

    Congratulate yourself for this really big step that you just took to open the gates to healing the abuse done by your mother. I was so afraid of becoming like my mother that I went to the other extreme and became like my controlling, dictator father for the first 10 years of my marriage. Thank God that 12-Step programs helped me to see what I was doing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. That's weird. I thought I left a comment here before. I'm just stopping back to say that I'm thinking of you and sending lots of safe, warm, gentle hugs. (((((((((Vicki)))))))))

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am so sorry that you had to go through so much as a child. The ugly things that had happened doesn't have to make one so. And that is evident in you.

    As you heal.. do remember that you are never without our support and love!

    hugs,
    ~Silver

    ReplyDelete
  20. I decided to try out Polyvore too and I posted my first try! Thanks for your inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear Friends,
    This is going to be long because I am dreadful at returning comments right now but I will return to normal {I Think!}

    Ivory my precious defender!! Yes, I knew you would understand. ♥

    Sarah Thank you! I know that you understand needing to find my voice. I truly know that you understand. ♥

    Speck of Dust, My sweet friend, my encourager, my lifter. Thanks for being here with me and always listening. I appreciate every thought you give me to think about. ♥

    Paula, I feel your hugs even though you are so far away, I always feel them. Hugs back!! ♥

    Deb, Thank you. You are a Beautiful treasure.


    Colleen, I have a very good example to follow. ;) ♥

    Jamey, Thank you for your prayer. You are a treasure and I am lifted by your insights! ♥

    Patricia, As always I learn so much when you share of yourself with me. I am so validated when I read this because it is true that my mother daughter abuse has just been so much harder to face and accept. ♥

    Marj, I'll take a Hug from you anyday!! You did comment over at Polyvore. Thank you for your support. Thriving With you!! ♥

    Silver, Your support means everything, you know this. Take care of you my friend! ♥

    Colleen, It is a beautiful collage, Great Job! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  22. I am coming back to hug you..

    Someday ..in the not so distant future, i am going to spot you trying out your new wings too.

    love,
    ~Silver

    ReplyDelete
  23. Silver,
    We will use our wings together!
    For now I am happy with my dirt. ;)
    Just found out today that the Pansies will be at the nursery tomorrow!!! Joy!

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's hard to speak the truth--so many people seem to find it scary to think that apparently respectable people could do such things. It's not that uncommon for mothers to either be complicit at the very least by keeping silent and not preventing abuse and sometimes by actively being abusive. (((((((((hugs)))))))) It is a testament to your strength that you survived and survived capable of love.

    ReplyDelete