Saturday, November 21, 2009

Today

I have been working hard and appreciating that I have a therapy appointment once a week to keep me accountable. I am still editing quite a lot. I can do that right in my head. I have a congested ear right now which is exacerbating my ringing in the ears. The ringing is loud in my head and to me this is ironic because the words in my head have built up so much pressure I have to let them out.

The voice inside is gently pushing me toward honesty and letting what is locked up in here out. I think this is the reason I have struggled so mightily to write, I just have not been willing to be honest. I think maybe I wouldn't have to work so hard if I could just be honest because here in today I truly have a great deal of peace and so many blessing.

21 comments:

  1. Honesty doesnt come easy in our pain and all these deeply buried feelings and the fear what is gonna happen when they become unburied. I am in my intense trauma therapy for 3 weeks by now. It is incredible how much I have buried and how hard I fight for not letting my defenses down. Behind the defenses I work frantically. I am so exhausted keeping the defenses up that I caught myself not only sleeping, but sleeping 14h straight. Have been thinking of you often and miss you. Paula

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  2. Thinking of you Vicki and so glad you are at peace...have a wonderful day!

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  3. Hi Shadow~ I love knowing you are there.

    Dear Paula,
    Yes it is not easy. Thanks for your kind support I have been thinking of you in your trauma therapy and sending healing thoughts your way. I will be by very soon. xoxo

    Ms Hen, I am warmed by your hugs.

    Jamey, I wish you a lovey day also.

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  4. Vicki, thanks for finding your way back to my little space in bloggerville. It's good to read that you are experiencing some peace, and a willingness to be honest with yourself. The honesty brings pain, but the good thing is that the pain, once expressed, is usually less intense or becomes greatly diminished. I'm rooting for ya! Hugs and blessings, dear. Hope your day is filled with more peace!

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  5. It can certainly be difficult to be honest when dealing with so much pain! I wish you more peace and more pain released! Take care! I'm glad to see you back, though I can understand it's hard to write sometimes. <3

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  6. I think we have a hard time being honest because we are afraid of feeling vulnerable. So we hide behind walls of steel! You are not alone. We are here for you. Go for it! Hugs.

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  7. admitting the truth is so scary. I didn't want to admit it for a long time. I didn't want to remember. I wanted to believe I made it all up. Tons of hugs to you Vickie. Sarah

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  8. Being honest with yourself will set you free Vicki. Dealing with the things that scare us most and facing our fears helps you move forward. Unlock that door and let it out, it will free you I promise!

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  9. I meant to say I'm glad you can share, I use to be able to talk about what to me., but not any more

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  10. "I lied when even the truth wold have sufficed...."

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  11. I believe that we have very strong defense mechanisms that protect us from saying--or even realizing--to much until we are ready to face it. That's why it's so important to value and take care of ourselves, to work out self-protective mechanisms and protective strategies--so that we get to the point where it is safe to look at and talk about what matters.

    In other words, it isn't that you aren't honest, it's that you haven't yet figured out how to feel safe enough to be more open.

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  12. It took us so long to get ready we missed the sunrise, in spite of getting up at 6.30am! (thanks wee man) but I think the photos I got for you are wonderful!! X

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  13. Vicki,
    I think you will say what needs to be said, when you can say it and when you can deal with it. Not everything needs to be said. I hope this doesn't keep you from blogging.

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  14. I made it through Thanksgiving day but then the rest of that weekend ... etc. has been really hard for me so I haven't been around much. But, I was really thinking of you today and wanted to let you know. Always sending (((((((safe hugs, Vicki))))))

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  15. being honest, admitting the truth is so scary. I think you got guts and courage. In your corner, Sarah

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  16. You have not been posting.. I hope all is going terrific with you.. (HUGS)..

    Betty Ann

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