Monday, March 22, 2010

The tender feelings of my heart.

I have gone to You Tube and found my very favorite Healing Song.  Now that is saying so very much for me because I have a list 10 miles long of favorites.  I hope you find it tender also and healing.  I also decided to post the testimony of the man who wrote the song, Roger Hoffman. 

Writing "Consider the Lilies"
At the time I wrote "Consider the Lilies," my wife, Melanie and I had spent five years (now twenty-six) following the Lord's commandment to put the kingdom of God first, believing that he would add everything else we needed. It seemed the Lord would send what we needed in the way of work or help, just when we needed it. Miraculously, we had survived! This allowed us to use our time to teach his Gospel through music. This kind providence had become such a regular occurrence for us that we wanted to tell others about it.
One day, as I was sitting at the piano in our chapel, (we didn't have a piano at home) I found my fingers wandering over the piano keys. I noticed what I was playing and repeated it so I wouldn't forget it. Once the melody had become locked into my consciousness, words began to form in my mind,
"Consider the lilies of the field,
how they grow, how they grow."
I grabbed my pencil and began writing. As quickly as I could write, the words continued,
"Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with His eye."
I was beginning to feel very excited! Here was a way to share this marvelous principle!
The words kept coming,
"Consider the sheep of his fold,
How they follow where he leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed."
I thought of how Nephi and Lehi had been led on their way through "the more fertile parts of the wilderness..." and how the seas had parted for Moses and the children of Israel. Again, the chorus re-assured me,
"He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And he will feed those who trust him,
And guide them with his eye."
I was pleased that the message had been so well delivered, and gratefully acknowledged the power that had presented this song to my mind. I was about to rise from the piano bench and go home, when I felt a kind of downward tug, and sat down at the bench again. The message came clearly into my mind, "I'm not finished yet."
I sat down and the verse began,
"Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth..."
I panicked. I was afraid to tackle so large a subject. I thought, "My pen is too small to deal with a problem so great." The thought came into my mind, "You're not writing this, anyway." I then remembered someone very dear to me who once said she had a hard time understanding why God would allow little children to be abused, and I had a great desire to help her understand this subject better and be comforted. This urged me on.
So, tremulously, I continued,
The pains of all of them he carried
From the day of his birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And he will heal those who trust him,
And make their hearts as gold."
I wept profusely. I could not contain my feelings. The love I felt was so powerful that I was overcome. (Indeed, for the rest of the day, I felt somewhat removed from this mortal sphere.)
My soul vibrated with the message I had just written, for my own suffering and weakness had been taken in hand by the Wonderful Counselor, and where once there was darkness, light by light, strand by strand, he rewove the fabric of my heart with threads of purest gold, so that my affections and sympathies have been, in a marvelous manner, enlarged and re-trained to make me more like him.
This is the way of the Master. He tells us plainly that he has given us weakness to bring us to him. When we come unto him, he teaches, counsels, and heals us, replacing evil with good, pouring himself into us, a spiritual transfusion where his light replaces our darkness. The light he has put into us works its way through everything we know and feel and draws us to yet greater light.
One day, if we continue, we will be like him, for his light will have chased every trace of darkness from us, and will have drawn into us all the light he has.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

My week in collage

The Skeleton in the closet came to visit
The skeleton came to visit
The skeleton came to visit by Vicki in AZ on

This week the skeleton in the closet came to visit
I had to choose

Would I retreat to the corner with my head hidden in shame?
I have been taught so very well

The overwhelming depression boiled up from below where it had taken refuge

Exhaustion overtook my body and my mind

I felt like giving in to the undertow
Strong and Vicious was its desire to drag
me under

This week I have dealt with the reality smack in my face of the world she (aka mother) lives in.

I saw her for the first time since last July as my sister lay in critical condition in the hospital

She lives here

She lives here by Vicki in AZ on


Their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven

With exhaustion encroaching from every corner Big Vicki took little vicki and they rested and slept as much as she needed


5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
7 ¶ Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.
11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.

WHERE I LIVE                              
Where I live

Where I live by Vicki in AZ on

I have heard the tune and I will never stop singing.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sunday Devotional

Sunday Will Come


“Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

“But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

“No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come.”

Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Dark Friday, Bright Sunday," New Era, Mar. 2008, 4

This devotion is one of my very favorites. It moves me to the very center of who I am. I decided I wanted to put the photo of the man who said this with it and also the link in case anyone was interested in following it. He is an Apostle of Jesus Christ. This is one of the ways I make it in my life day after day trial after trial. I know with all of my heart that Jesus Christ has Apostles and a Prophet here on the earth today and I can listen to or read what they have to say. You can too if you want HERE.

Can I just say...


Now having said that, I will not want to say it has been all bad

I have been blessed with friends who have served me

and provided the balm of Gilead.

Thank you Becky you have been an angel for me. My good friend who helps me when my jaw hurts so bad I can't even eat brought her massage table over, worked her magic on my jaw and now I can open it. Isaac sat there touching me with his tender hands wanting to "help."

And true to his tender nature, Jared has been very sensitive to me in spite of the fact that he lost his full time job this week as the company he worked for closed it's doors.

I started this week ready to write. Excited to write. I would sit down here at my computer and dissolve.

I saw my mother for the first time since July this past week. My youngest sister is in the hospital, she has been in very serious condition.

I have been spending time in therapy for a few weeks now working on how I might respond at upcoming family celebrations, like my niece getting married, when my mother speaks to me. I want to be graceful and also not give myself away and then have to spend weeks of therapy repairing the damage. We did not however prepare yet for the possibility that she would not speak to me even when I say hi, not even a hi back.

I don't have much to say now except, hmmm.

Monday, March 8, 2010

What will they say about me?

Yesterday my married kids came over in the afternoon.
This is a pretty regular Sunday activity.
A treasure.

My son was a little tweaked about what had happened in church that morning. With tact and tenderness I would like to share because it fits with a post I have been toying with for some time now. The original title was going to be What my kids will never say about me...

In my married kids Sunday meeting a family had been asked to give a presentation.
I am sure they are a lovely family with many gifts and great closeness. Unfortunately instead of having the desired effect of encouraging and lifting my kids to want more, they felt that uncomfortable feeling I have felt before. How do I explain it? Do you know the one? "Well look at them aren't they perfect?" Followed by a quick, "I can never be like that."

I listened I gave knowing nods I gave love, I know for sure I have had those kinds of experiences and I wanted my children to know I understood how that felt.

A few minutes later 2 of my sons got in a heated argument and my married son was trying to help them cool down. I looked at my daughter in law with what I hope she recognized as a twinkle in my eye and I said,
"I don't think they will be asking us to give one of those "How to be the perfect family " presentations in church.

There was so much love in our home yesterday as we all gathered
I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the whole world.

So here is the LIST

What my kids will never say about me...

1. I never heard my mom raise her voice to me in anger
2. My mom was always on time
3. My mom came to every game, every practice, and every performance
4. My mom had dinner on the table every night
5. I never heard my parents argue
6. My mom never said a negative thing about anyone, ever!
7. My mom made me practice my instrument and I am grateful for that now
8. My mom was always there for every thing I needed
9. My mom never complained or nagged
10. My mom always put our needs before her own
11. My mom was the best listener

I am sure I can add to this list many times over.

Here is what I want my kids to always be able to say about me.

My mom was honest. She really cared about my feelings and I always knew she loved me NO MATTER WHAT. My mom did not pretend life was always going to be fair or work out the way I wanted but she taught me that Things Work Out, They ALWAYS Work Out and I can trust myself. I can trust my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

My mom was real.