Monday, March 8, 2010

What will they say about me?

Yesterday my married kids came over in the afternoon.
This is a pretty regular Sunday activity.
A treasure.

My son was a little tweaked about what had happened in church that morning. With tact and tenderness I would like to share because it fits with a post I have been toying with for some time now. The original title was going to be What my kids will never say about me...

In my married kids Sunday meeting a family had been asked to give a presentation.
I am sure they are a lovely family with many gifts and great closeness. Unfortunately instead of having the desired effect of encouraging and lifting my kids to want more, they felt that uncomfortable feeling I have felt before. How do I explain it? Do you know the one? "Well look at them aren't they perfect?" Followed by a quick, "I can never be like that."

I listened I gave knowing nods I gave love, I know for sure I have had those kinds of experiences and I wanted my children to know I understood how that felt.

A few minutes later 2 of my sons got in a heated argument and my married son was trying to help them cool down. I looked at my daughter in law with what I hope she recognized as a twinkle in my eye and I said,
"I don't think they will be asking us to give one of those "How to be the perfect family " presentations in church.

There was so much love in our home yesterday as we all gathered
I wouldn't trade my family for anything in the whole world.

So here is the LIST

What my kids will never say about me...

1. I never heard my mom raise her voice to me in anger
2. My mom was always on time
3. My mom came to every game, every practice, and every performance
4. My mom had dinner on the table every night
5. I never heard my parents argue
6. My mom never said a negative thing about anyone, ever!
7. My mom made me practice my instrument and I am grateful for that now
8. My mom was always there for every thing I needed
9. My mom never complained or nagged
10. My mom always put our needs before her own
11. My mom was the best listener

I am sure I can add to this list many times over.

Here is what I want my kids to always be able to say about me.

My mom was honest. She really cared about my feelings and I always knew she loved me NO MATTER WHAT. My mom did not pretend life was always going to be fair or work out the way I wanted but she taught me that Things Work Out, They ALWAYS Work Out and I can trust myself. I can trust my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

My mom was real.


  1. Vicki, you are the most "real" mom I know.... and one day they will know it too. Life with teenagers is definitely bitter sweet, and I am not sure if I look forward to having four in my own home in just a few years, but I do look forward to the afterward...when they have worked out all the things within themselves that we all go through to some extent while we learn to become adults. Your kids do love you, very much, even if they don't act like it at times...and YOU ARE doing a good job. When my kids tell me I am a mean mom or a bad mom I say "good, that means I am doing my job". Someday, they will understand what I mean by that statement too ;-)

  2. Beautiful post the new blog too. The best gift you can give your kids is the legacy of love...not perfection.

  3. Wonderful, Vicki. If I had kids, and I do want them but I just don't want to *(#@ them up...That is exactly what I'd pray they'd say about me. Good job not passing on the chains. !!!!


  4. This is very touching! It's a wonderful thing to know how each other feel and to be comfortable with it! you must be a great mother, they are do lucky.

  5. I love this post. You sound like a great mom!

  6. My dear friend,
    Here are a couple things I know about you... for sure, Your children know that you love them- no matter what. They know that their Savior loves them- no matter what. And everything else they will face in this life, they will be able to handle knowing these two things.
    You truly are a fantastic mom. None of us are as perfect as what we see for a few hours at church. The important thing is that we don't stop trying. That is my goal. I love you.
    You amaze me. You inspire me. Please, don't be so hard on yourself. You are a daughter of God and just that fact alone makes you great.

  7. Beautiful post Vicki and I can't help but wonder if that is what God would want from be real instead of trying to be perfect.

  8. Great post! And I agree with what Jamey said! We just need to be real and do the best we can. I was not perfect, but my two boys have always known I love them, no matter what. Thanks for this. Blessings!

  9. Vicki, what else could anyone want more than having a real person for mother, wife, friend, partner...
    Perfect - I tried to be perfect in so mayn ways, when asked HOW perfection looks to me, what pciture I have of being perfect. I was stunned. I had no picture whatsover of what I tried so desperately to achieve. Ever since I am not keen on becoming perfect anymore. Just aspire the same: becoming myself as much as I can. Love to a real person

  10. Vicki,

    They will be able to say all kinds of wonderful things that you can't say about your mother. They have so much that you didn't get. That you were able to create that kind of home and be that kind of mother speaks volumes about you. Good and healing thoughts to you.


  11. This is an awesome post. I think there is a saying that goes something like "There is no way to be a perfect parent but a million ways to be a great one"