Monday, June 27, 2011

The things I have

What would happen if I just started typing out what is in my head?

That seams scary to me.

  I feel frustrated with my inability to be honest, to let out what is inside.

I have everything I need.

I have a safe place to process.
I have a husband who is patient, kind, supportive, helpful, and completely undemanding of me right now.
My room is clean and made into a refuge a sanctuary even thanks to said husband.
I have teenage children who are wonderfully busy with their own lives, productive, helpful, and kind (for the most part.)
I have grown children who are self-sufficient and amazingly productive and in no way demanding of me.
I have the most delightful grandson who lights up my life.

I have tools to help me find myself.
  • I can write
  • I can read
  • I can listen to music
  • I can meditate
  • I can pray
  • I can visit my blog friends
  • I can take pictures
  • I can create on polyvore
  • I can play the piano
  • I can create with paper
  • I can spend time with my family
  • I can take a nap whenever I want

I find myself full of guilt for having everything I need.  That is it.. GUILTY!  I feel guilty and it is crappy.  I don't want this guilt, it can go take a hike into oblivion.  YES, I am BLESSED beyond measure to have everything I need to flourish and heal and thrive.  I will not accept guilt into this picture of my life.

I don't have time for guilt.

I have work to do.

I have growing to do.

I have pain inside that needs to be acknowledged and accepted.

As long as I let that guilt rule me then I keep stuffing down the pain and avoiding the work and I don't grow.

I can quit editing.
I can be honest.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Worthy

Just a Reminder...
Yes YOU are.
xoxo

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Enough

You are enough.

I have been away for a few days.  Away from the pressures and obligations of my everyday life.  Secluded, quiet, and alone trying to find answers.  Mostly finding questions, lots and lots of questions.  I have filled my heart with hope that if I will ask the questions then when the time is right I will be led to the answers.  So I have asked the questions I have written them down and asked God if he will give me the answers when I am ready.

And as ALWAYS I am reminded yet again that...

I am enough

There is enough
It is enough

enough

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sunday Devotional

When life is hard
Things seem very difficult
I struggle to find the positive...
 Well, there are stories of courage I turn to
Stories that remind me that 
One step at a time is good enough
and 
I AM Enough.

I heard this last Sunday and I absolutely believe it,
"You are loved because you are Precious,
not for anything you have done."

Here is Stephanie Nielson's courageous story
which Always reminds me to keep on keeping on.

This week when I was flat in bed I listened to a conversation 
with Stephanie which was on the radio.  It is more in depth and lets you get to know her better.  Here is the link to this.

Have a wonderful Sabbath day my friends.
You are loved because you are Precious. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Trying

I have been spending time trying to understand just why I went away from this place I love and so many blog friends I had grown to care about so much.  I still don't have the answer but what I do know is that I want to be here writing and reading and caring.  I really do.  I have never forgotten how good it feels to have people who understand you supporting you and how good it feels to give that support back.  So here I am back home. 

"I am the black sheep of the family, which is pure irony since I was the victim. However, I know my situation is not a rarity. We victims of family sexual abuse represent what everyone else wants to forget. We are an unpleasant reminder of the ugly family secret, particularly if we refuse to go along with the pretense of the perfect family.

People only see what they are prepared to see, and I don't want to be part of a family who aren't prepared to see and talk about the truth of my story."
Alyson at ...leave a trail